All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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