hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
