just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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