just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
