Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize