just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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