If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
