When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
