i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize