idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
