I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
