I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
