I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
