Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So vagazzling was a success
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