erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
