Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
