no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
