the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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