You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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