he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
