i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
