i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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