Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
