kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
