that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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