I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
