dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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