I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need moral support for this bender
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
