I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Text me some of your sweat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
