Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
