I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
