Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
