I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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