Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
