i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
