I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
