Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
