So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
