Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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