I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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