I got chris browned last night
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
