dude i'm inner monologue high
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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