why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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