I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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