We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
