can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
