whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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