I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
