dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
