Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
