Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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