Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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