she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize