Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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