Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
