Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
