let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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