It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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