Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
