His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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